Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!

Uncommon sense ~ How to suicide ~ Hanging

Pisanello painting - 2 executed men by hangingAh~ this one is my favorite~

But it’s still not fail proof, nothing ever is. And it’s messy. But it’s probably the one that I contemplated the most.

I thought that it’d be best to do it inside my home, since I live alone, to avoid being discovered and “rescued”. But there are not many places that would be high enough. The bath curtain pole would definitively rip off the wall, so would the wardrobe pole… and it’s still not high enough.

If you try to pull your weight down on your knees, if you faint your body will probably find a way to save himself…

So I thought of doing it with my door, since I’m small maybe that could have worked. But the 2 bolts holding it are probably not strong enough, even for me… I would have wrapped a long rope around the handler, then around the door a couple of times to secure it; maybe with a screw on top so that it wouldn’t slide off the top. Then I’d hang myself.

The landlord really pissed me off, my apartment is supposed to be heated but he let me freeze for a week in winter and I got really sick. Now I know that massive doses of vitamin C can cure and prevent anything; and are particularly effective on respiratory infections. But I didn’t know back then so I fell sick quickly with my starved immune system. Now, instead to trust and count on others, I am prepared with a heater for emergencies. It sounds more troublesome but it actually spared me a whole lot of shit to count on myself instead to wait after others… It really empowered me and freed me!

So I didn’t care about being found by my landlord and as a bonus, I thought to engorge myself with a Chinese buffet so I’d crap even more all over the place. He’s Chinese too! But eating real good green foods was a better idea and made me feel awesome.

The best might be with my balcony in the middle of the night, but not everyone have one. Someone told me his story: that hanging is supposed to break your neck; you’re not supposed to die from slow strangulation, like I thought. But he failed jumping off his balcony, broke his jaw, and shrieked in agony as he was being slowly strangled. His torment lasted a long time because people had plenty of time to slowly figure out what was happening and come to pull him back up…

Maybe if he had the resolve to suffocate slowly and painfully he would have been prepared, shut the hell up, and succeeded.

I think the best would be from a tree in the forest. You’ll finally be useful by feeding the critters too! I wouldn’t want to find you after the feast though…

But you can’t force the grim reaper. When it’s not your time, it’s not. I wouldn’t want to make him angry. “You’re going to die old, get used to it!” that’s how I felt after praying for so long. I often risked a deadly accident (hypoglycemia gives absence seizures and I didn’t know I had it) but somehow, something protected me, probably my survival instinct.

Here’s a story:

Tree – man hang - kid balanceSomeone decided to suicide and to combine many ways to make extra sure. So he took a whole bottle of sleeping pills, hanged himself on the branch of a tree at the edge of a cliff above the ocean to drown, and shot himself.

But he missed as he balanced at the end of the rope, and by extra chance, cut it with the bullet instead to explode his skull. He fell into the water but the impact didn’t kill him. Swallowing tons of water made him throw up the poison, then the waves pushed him back on the shore... perfectly safe~

The image made me discover an incredibly funny tutorial that raises issues that I didn't think of like "Care must be taken to not inconvenience anybody": Suicide for austere times at wealthfair. It's a brief review of your many options, I quote it below.

Actually those impossible coincidences are called synchronicities; every time I notice them they made me protected by something incredibly powerful and I feel safe. Society and people are full of crap; but life will take good care of you. Trust it. Trust the one inside you. Your survival instinct will protect you too, even against your own will.

Here’s my favorite joke:

How do you get a goth to get down a tree?
You cut the rope around his neck!

Better orgasms!

Kenny from South Park dead masturbatingPressure around the neck raises blood pressure in the head and can be used to enhance masturbation!

It's called autoerotic asphyxiation. Read more about The Highest Price for Pleasure at medicinenet and at wikipedia.

"1,000 Americans each year" kill themselves, actually willing to live, and only trying to get off… So maybe it will finally work for you, if you truly want to suicide.

But if you want to live, experiment wisely. If you want to masturbate that way, you don't need to hang yourself. Just wrap a collar and/or scarf around your neck. If you lift your chin, it strangles you, if you lower your chin you can breathe better. If you faint from holding your breath for too long, your body will probably instinctively find a position that lets you breathe and survive.

Unless you want to die, then even in you hang yourself on a door knob and lower yourself, your weight will eventually strangle you to death, thanks to gravity. Feel free to use that determination to get rid of what make you wish you where dead instead.

Be careful what you do… if you're not attentive to your body and don't respect your limit, yeah, you'll probably kick the bucket. It's probably why you ended up wanting to die. So in your case, go ahead anyway. You actually want the worst that could happen~

That would be a fantastic way to die, even if it would be the most embarrassing way to be found. BAM in the 7th sky and you never get back down. If you fail, you get something anyway. If someone want to pity you for wanting to die, just say you were experimenting new ways to reach better orgasms. They’ll think you’re depraved but it could be a more pleasant way to go.

The struggle for life is probably what makes it so exciting. And about life in general too, so don't mind not having it easy, at least you won't die of awful boredom.

If you want to extra suffocate, wrapping scarves around your head will do the trick. Make sure it's tight to avoid breathing your own CO2 and be able to slowly push the air through and inhales new oxygen. Unless you want to die, then go ahead and use plastic, but it will feel too freaky and panicky to be pleasant... it will give you distress and your body will fight for life.

Maybe you should let your body lead you out of troubles instead to "listen and obey" the people who want to trouble you for their own gains. No matter what you do, live or die, make sure it's for yourself. Make a decision and give it everything you've got.

I respect my body's will to live... I kinda have to since my survival instinct is much more powerful than my emotional self. By focusing and listening to my body simple needs, I understood that I was complicating my life too much.

Life purpose is simply to live.

If you are alive by the end of the day, your life is a success.

Your cells and organs don't give a damn about how much money you have in the bank, the kind of clothes you wear, how much your job is praised, how many friends you have, if you have a lover or not, or how many people approve of you. Your body only care about being well nourished, rested and safe.

It's harder to do it alone and jobless, but even homeless people manage to do it. So throw away what makes your life miserable, not your life. Expectations, goals, dreams, energy robbers, beliefs, food that your body can't handle, overwork to gain stuff and status that aren't even vital... live in the present. And life won't feel as much of a overwhelming burden.

But if you don't want to live unless you have riches, glory and admiration, then go ahead, kill yourself. Even celebrities do, so wanting to be on top of the world and having everything you can possibly want, without any frustrations, hardship, exhaustion, malnutrition... life will never be like that. Accept what is and enjoy what's there, unless you'd rather live whining, or die.

Hanged cat (My body isn't a "it" he's a person. Don't look at yourself as an object!!! Not even your body, he has his own mind and will.)

If you really want to die, you might as well try autoerotic asphyxiation. Maybe you’ll have so much fun that you won’t want to anymore. And if you happen to die, you’ll go smiling... a blue twisted smile.

But if you only want the mega orgasm, don’t hang the choker at gravity's mercy, keep the control of what you do to yourself as much as you can. Always make sure that you can still breathe if you want to… and that your eyes aren’t about to pop out… it’s not a pleasant sensation when it’s too tight.

More isn’t better, balance is the key~

Unless you wan to die, then by all means, pop your eyes out!

Either way, hang in there~

If you feel sorry for the cat, then don't do it to yourself!

Here's a thought:

Next time someone gives you crap, climb on a chair and instead to hang yourself...

Kick them in the face!

And have a laugh. Just look at the cat. Don't worry it's Photoshoped. If you look closely, the rope doesn't even touch the neck. Take a closer look at your life too!

Sometimes things are less bad than they appear.

But people are usually worst, so don't torment yourself with their stupid opinions.

Have fun with mine!

If you want to be funny, read my page: Hang with a bungee cord


Next: Asphyxiation

Lisa Of Shades
4 September 2013
Edited: 30 September 2015
Right to be ©razy 2013 and beyond!