Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!

Uncommon sense ~ How to suicide ~ Asphyxiation

For autoerotic asphyxiation, refer to the Better orgasms part of the Hanging page.

But I wouldn’t use a plastic bag for that either, gasping for hair but having it denied by plastic would make me feel like being trapped in my own body even more.

Suicide - car - gasThe only way that can be pleasant is with a gas: Carbon monoxide inhalation.

If you own a car, tie up a tube to the exhaust and bring it to the window. If you use a very thick industrial duck tape and wrap it around, eventually it will make up for the different sizes.

Then you sit in your car, or if you want to freak people out even more, borrow one… and you just relax, maybe with some music.

The motor basically has a burning fire, so it will suck out the oxygen from the air and release CO2… it’s the thing that you want to exhale, not inhale… so you’ll be free to breathe as much as you want, but it will be useless.

In theory, you should just feel drowsy and fall asleep… and die. Your survival instinct will probably won’t even see it coming if you do your best not to think about being in danger.

But I’m worried about the horrible stench. Maybe you’ll cough from the smoke and end up with the urge to get the hell out.

I don’t have a car, but if I had, it would have been in my top choices.

Driving it off a cliff might be more dramatic and effective tough, but way more traumatizing. The goal is to find eternal peace, not to suffer in pieces.

People can still find you if you stay in your garage, so maybe drive to a desert to be extra sure.

Well, feel free to try it out, it’s your life to throw away or live after all.

At least it won't give you disfiguring scars if you mess it up, and you'll even be able to change your mind. Freedom is fun; you should at least take control of your life when you die. But doing it before would make life more interesting.

Feel free to stay for a while and enjoy the ride~

Lisa Of Shades
4 September 2013

Charcoal suicide

Charcoal - Barbecue BBQ - Satan

From experienceproject: "Burning a bag of charcoal briquettes in an enclosed room gives off carbon monoxide gas which will kill you without suffocation or pain (usually). This is an update on the old car exhaust method. This new method is known as charcoal suicide"

Unless burning eyes and coughing counts as pain, you might get the urge to run out of the room and then you'll have a mess to clean. Or worst, if you set the apartment in fire, burn alive would hurt more than anything else imaginable, or end up homeless, sued and in jail... The smoke would be a dead give away... so you might get rescued by people who "care" or just are curious to see wtf... Maybe you can prevent that at night in the bathroom? Using the bath as your own furnace of hell. Those water proof walls won't burn as quickly, maybe. Maybe make a bed of blankets between the bath and toilet. But who would want to die looking at the shit hole. Unless you use a blindfold... it might help the burning eyes possible issue. If you have the urge to run out, try chaining yourself to the toilet and throwing away the key. If it fails you'd either starve to death, or be humiliated screaming and being found, at least you'll have water to drink.

Here are some ideas for notes:
  • "I wanted to meet Jesus (or Satan)" That sure would freak out the religious fanatics.
  • "You should have aborted me if you didn't want to take care of me" or "I don't love you either." or "I'd rather die than be your child." Well, don't die for that, 18 years isn't much compared to the 80 years of life expectancy... or take them with you. Some people shouldn't be allowed to be parents. Sometimes madness is very rational. (It always is actually, people just don't understand, can't or don't want to.) You can just walk away and let them suffer.
  • "Society sucks" Maybe withdraw all your money in 1$ bills and set that on fire. "Capitalism and individualism made me feel lonely. Better be loved than rich."
  • "I was just cold, I guess I screwed up and died." you can add "I guess I'm burning in hell now~ Maybe I’ll stop feeling so cold. Yay!" Actually a sign of low metabolism, anemia, hypoglycemia… eating eggs and food more often helps.
  • "I thought Santa Claus would come if I made a fire, he's magical so he doesn't need a chimney. I just wanted a gift" If you do that at Christmas.
  • "My mom told me to do it" Actually... some do... just slap some sense into that bitch or punch her in the throat, it will shut her up for a while. You’ll feel much better. I sure did.
  • "Satan told me that I'd get 72 virgins (image joke) if I blew myself up, but I couldn't find how to make a bomb in google." How do you fuck virgins without a body and a dick? Some people just don't think this through... or are on some too powerful drugs... or their brain functions are limited from eating nothing but sand. (Sugar and grains are... but yeah I'm a bad person. I'd rather die than live in a desert too.)
  • "I cooked and ate the cat in a home made BBQ and fell asleep."
  • "U R next" Mwahahahaha! Heck you can include the maniacal laughter too. Not everyone can figure out that shitty grammar shortcuts that I hate so much (I’m a French Canadian, this is making learning harder) so you might want to use proper grammar.
  • "I wanted to see what was after, saw nothing; God doesn't exist, came back, felt sad, and killed myself again."
  • "Tried a home made BBQ, maybe I should have ordered sushi instead." Hahaha, I'm terrible. I love raw fish.
  • "Feel free to eat my body, I don’t need it anymore, the BBQ is ready." I'm so going in hell for this! Meh it was worth it, laughter is the best medicine.
Death makes me laugh... I guess I'll stay around to laugh some more at it.


Next: Jumping off a building
Lisa Of Shades
14 November 2013

Images for my montage from:
Right to be ©razy 2013 and beyond!