Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!

Humor ~ Inner world ~ The three brains

We have more than one brain. The left side is the rational one specialized in logic and solving problems. The right side is the emotional one specialized in perceptions and expressions. Hormones influence the development and use. That's why men are usually more left-brain, more organized and systematic, like math. Women are usually more right-brain, more creative and intuitive, like arts. But both are capable of both. If you want to understand how the other gender thinks, try to shift your perspective. Men's goal tend to be what would be more efficient and useful, women's goal tend to be what would be more comforting and safe. Both are important when making decisions.
There's also the cerebellum, smaller at the base of the neck. It's the primal brain specialized in survival. It has repetitive functions that don't require memory, you don't need to remember every step or breath that you take. It's the reflexes, instinct and intuition.

People usually are lead by a mix of left and right side in different proportions, switching constantly and working as one. Women who use their logical brain more are considered less feminine, and men who use their emotional brain more are considered less manly, but it's a spectrum and there's nothing wrong about that.

Some people can prioritize the rational brain and primal brain while the emotional one stays rather dormant. It can happen from shock to give time to rest when the emotions are too overwhelmed. People who don't use empathy in their decisions are believed to be psychopaths, but not all of them are out to get you in the most brutal manner.

During reactive hypoglycemia, sleep deprivation, or harms from toxins, the emotional and rational brain can shut down. Some people faint, but some others can still function on auto pilot. But the decisions made without perceiving the surroundings properly and being able to have a sharp judgment can be mistakes. A person in such a life threatening state can fight violently for their survival, even though the problem is their nourishment inside. The brain can be unable to interpret the reality accurately, causing psychosis and hallucinations as a dram state is mixed with a half awake state. People will a strong will to live can survive being shot in the head, a chicken even survived for a year with her head cut off because there was a piece of cerebellum left to orchestrate the vital functions of the body... so it's really amazing.

The purpose of the emotional brain isn't to be good, but to feel what there is to feel. Even if it's unpleasant. So the rational brain can have data to analyze and make the best decision. If we deny ourselves sadness and pain with drugs, we won't be motivated to find a solution to overcome the problem. No matter how intelligent is the rational side, it will be incapable of making a proper decision if the emotional brain isn't there to guide it... and without wisdom, kindness can cause more harm than good even with the best intentions.

The truth has more than one side.

Every single sides are both capable of good and bad, it depends on the situation.

Allowing harm by refusing to act isn't being kind, it's enabling wrongs. Killing to eat is good; the life becomes part of you and continues inside you. That's how life works. Torturing your prey and eating a sick poisoned creature is wrong. Denying yourself the nourishment that you need because you don't like how life works is wrong.

Children explore their inner self instinctively with imaginary friends. Some adults still use visualizing character to open a door and communicate with their subconscious. It's a very healthy mental exercise to do introspection, but of course doing it too much and at the wrong time can be as bad as neglecting to know your inner self.

Every single cell in your body is a sentient being with their own needs, perceptions and messages. They communicate with electric impulses or fluids called hormones... We consciously communicate in words by your body usually bypass this and give you vague presentiments. If your body translates it into language in the speech center of the brain, you're not being insane... you're just thinking and you should listen to what your body has to say, but you don't have to obey. Sometimes my primal brain tells me to kill my enemies, but I have to balance it with my rational brain telling me that going to jail will end up making things worse for me instead of safer, and my emotional brain feeling empathy that I don't want this to happen to me or my loved ones so I shouldn't play the game of life so brutally... Unless someone does, then play to win. The emotional brain will feel sorrow that things cannot be better, but the rational brain will acknowledge that dying kind isn't for the best, and the primal brain will gladly return the violence as much as the person makes it necessary.

All the sides are both servants and leaders; they all have their purpose in different situations.

I discovered this naturally as a child. I thought of movies I saw, as stories to help me fall asleep. Eventually I made my own stories with a recurring character. My subconscious used it as a door to talk to me. So my rational brain comforted and balanced my emotional brain. That's how I could manage to have both perspectives at once. It helped me and even saved my life. I thought he was my guardian angel because everything he said helped me get out of trouble, he was so wise that he could predict the future so he seemed godly to me, but he could subconsciously calculate the probabilities, risks and gains, cause and effect... to such an amazing degree... eventually I learn that ignoring the voice of reason can only lead to disaster. I made sure to avoid taking anything that could alter my mind, drug, legal or not, alcohol... and now take the best nourishing foods... to be able to hear him properly... and not confuse him with my primal impulses that can be too bestial for civilization.

I had the hardest time when discovering my "dark" side... I thought that it was pure evil. It motivated me to be good at all cost because I didn't understand what it was. I wanted to be like my angel, and help people with kindness, but I misunderstood him too. My rational brain was always brutally honest because it was in his best interest to keep me safe. My primal brain was enraged not because it was bad, but because I was in a bad situation, suffering bad things from bad people, he was just trying to protect me so I wouldn't die. When I freed him, I expected him to do a killing spree, but the bloodlust alone was enough to scare abusive people away, because I stood up for myself and wouldn't be an easy victim for weak people. Those who can't fulfill their own needs without clawing it out of others don't have the guts to fight so they run quickly. I craved going on a killing spree to get revenge on humanity's nature, but I simply ended up walking away from harm because it was best for me to avoid trouble and safe energy. It turned out that when combined with reason, even my worst demon was capable of great wisdom and kindness. I still struggle with allowing him to get out and putting my limits, because I don't want to hurt people the way I've been hurt, and I was trained to be a compliant victim who doesn't deserve to have their needs met as a child... Bad habits are hard to overcome, but I do slowly but surely.

I always verify to avoid jumping impulsively to conclusions based on fears instead of reality. I express my feelings with the person to see if it's an honest mistake with good will; it's okay to make mistakes when we do our best trying to figure out how to succeed. But if they hurt me knowingly without trying or caring, then all hell can break lose, they earned it.

Every seven years (I celebrate every six years since I'm a child, but it took me a while to understand what the new era meant.) your body cells renew themselves completely. Including the brain, that's why you dream. The brain tries to make a logical story out of random bits of information being duplicated into fresher neurons. Getting more B complex vitamins will give you more vivid dreams. Even nightmares are helpful, because you need to learn from the bad memories so it won't happen again. Even the bad helped to forge who you are. You are a different person, a clone of yourself, but the way you use your brain also changes. You don't rely on the same memories and way to be, but it's all stored in your brain. The person that you where as a child is still there, like an abandoned track for a train. You can switch the way you think and can even revert to who you where as a child, before pain damaged your trust, before you lost the capacity to be amazed by the wonders in the world, jaded after seeing them so many times that you took them for granted...

The kid side is our innocence, our capacity to trust, let go and be happy. When I was a child I was so curious about everything, everything was so amazing. I wanted to savor life. But I saw the adults stress over things that weren't there, rush to nowhere, being so sad and angry... while there was so much beauty all around them but they couldn't take the time to see and appreciate it. I swore that I would never lose my capacity to appreciate the wonders of the world... I nurture my inner child even as I grew up. People probably thought that I was immature but I didn't hesitate to switch to my most serious and reasonable state of mind when it was required. Impressing people hypocritically by letting them down later isn't what I considered important. So I probably looked like a retard, but I have a higher IQ than average, so maybe my way is wiser. I prefer to be good than look good... Unfortunately that's not how the world works, because people can only know what they can see... so they can be deceived... and it's easier to try to deceive than make the efforts to actually be this way. That's why I take a giggling break when it's not needed.

I probably look like crazy person with a split personality... I probably am and I'm okay even if it makes me schizophrenic. Because it saved my life when all I wanted was to die. It comforted me when no one wanted to listen. It guided me wisely when even doctors couldn't figure out the cause of my real suffering. It protected me when everyone wanted to abuse me. While the good people where too busy being good to give a damn... so they an think I'm bad, it means that I'm different than them... and it's a relief.

The more I connect to my inner self, the harder it is to connect with others. Because the more I move in a direction the further away I am from its opposite. That's why introverts have a hard time having social skills. That's why extroverts have a hard time meditating about what the hell they are doing. I'm not good at following what I'm told; I'm not in sync with what is expected of citizens, not on a superficial level. I'm a weirdo, I'm creepy, because to me good and bad isn't what feels good or unpleasant. Good is the truth even if it's horrible, and bad is a lie even if it's the most beautiful dream... I find it especially important because the most beautiful lies are often used to mask the most atrocious truths... to abuse of from denial...

The value that was the most important to me was truth and freedom. I acted as if it was love and approbation from social pressure, because I needed help to survive, but this was never my own goal... I want to discover life's mysteries. Even if it rips my soul apart.

Everyone has many sides, that's why people can feel thorn and in contradiction. What seems to be the best from an emotional point of view can be the worst from a rational perspective... and even a threat to our survival. It's difficult to find balance between our sides and therefore in life, making our wants in harmony with what we actually need... But that's why all our cells and brains talk to each other... That's why we have different kind of people... so we can be and have everything as a whole. That's how a body works, and that's how society is supposed to work...

Sigmund Freud (wikipedia) first used the term "subconscious" on 1893. Jung's theory of analytical psychology has archetypes of the Collective Unconscious:
This is the sides that I explored by myself since I was 6 years old. I was amazed to discover that his work and conclusions where so similar.. for all people!


This is what we use to interract with the world. Mine is based on my iner child because that's the happiest part of me... the others are depressed, scary or angry. Strangely, people are far more affraid of me if I am purely rational instead of being emotionally angry, maybe because having the emotional brain switched off is how people define psychopaths. My emotional brain is an idealist wanting to solve all the problems of the world, so yeah she fries and faint sometimes.


This is what happened to me for trying to be purely good. There is good and bad in everything, so to achieve that I had to rip my soul apart and seal everything that I considered bad... everything that was good for me and could hurt others even if they where hurting me... But that "evil" only grew and got a mind of its own, and when my life ended up in too much danger, it would completely take over! It was painful like a derailed train, I didn't have access to the way I usually perceive, feel, think, or even my memories... they where in a different part of the brain... I'm still working on being a team and being able to see the shades between pure black and white. But I always try my best until it's clearly beyond saving and a threat to me, so then I can do my worst if I have to.

I have metaphoric stories of the interactions between my different sides. It helped me see the whole picture instead to be narrow minded obsessing on details. It helped me grow as a person, not by being the maximum of just one side, but by uniting everything that I am capable of being and using it at the right moment.

I found respect and appreciation for myself, even for the worst of myself. Because I tried to understand and welcome it constructively, instead to judge harshly and deny its vital purpose when the time comes.

I love all of me~ Even if it's not always easy.

if I can do it for myself, maybe I can do it for others... But I was wrong to think that I had to do it the other way around. I don't need to earn my own love or get permission from anyone else. All I have to do is to value my own life.
As the emotional one, I didn't want to live... I didn't want to witness and feel so much pain... even when I was safe, there's just no end to it in the world... But also beauty... even in the bad. To kill myself, I'd also have to kill my other sides, and I have nothing but admiration for my rational mind, for saving my life everyday in such a wise and helpful manner.

I wanted to save the world... but I have countless sentient beings composing my body in harmony. My cells and organs do their best to live, they want to live. They don't care how much money I make or how pretty I look as long as they get the nourishment and safety they need. They would prefer to have the best foods than the best job. Even though being on top of the world can help have access to it, it can end up being too exhausting and time consuming to have the time to do proper self care... And in the end of the day, if you are still alive, your life is a success.

So I will live, for the lives that are inside of me, for my inner world.

I am the brain, the queen, but without my subjects below me, I am nothing. I am in fact merely the post office relaying the information, an humble guide, the conductors of the orchestra in my body, and my life is the music~

I struggled to figure out which side was the real me and who I was supposed to be. I fought against myself instead to fight adversity with all the strength at my disposal. But now I won't forget or deny any sides of me. I will listen to their voices, I will respect their essence and will use their purpose for the best when needed. Because it is only as a whole that I am who I am. What I needed was never pure goodness. It's to have everything in balance.

Lisa Of Shades
28 March 2016
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