Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!

Health ~ Coping ~ Self harm

Angry cook with knife and bunch of carrots

Knives are for killing carrots!

Take care of your health.
You'll have the strength
to handle and find solutions
for so much more.

© Marcin Sadlowski at 123rf.

This is actually a symptom of Hypoglycemia. Food rage, misunderstood as rage, turned against oneself. Can't you do morbid jokes and eat greens instead... it sure makes me feel better. Be a better person to yourself; use coping mechanisms that won't make things worst with a vicious cycle of pain: Vent anger for balance & inner peace. (Added 30 October 2013)

We all do our best to find coping mechanisms, but sometimes we might benefit from trying something different. Cutting ourselves as a coping mechanism definitively needs some improvements, but first let's try to understand.

Life and especially people can be frustrating, and while refusing to turn anger and violence can be admirable, it can be necessary for safety and even survival under certain circumstances. And nothing can be more wrong... than turning it against ourselves.

It's teaching ourselves that we don't deserve to be safe, that it's okay if people hurt us. The result of this mental training is that we'll spread a vibe that will motivate people to use us as punching bag as well, since so many weak people would rather dump their frustrations on people than do anything about it, you will never see the end of that frustration.

You basically do self hypnosis. Telling yourself over and over that you don't deserve to defend yourself, using a cruel way... punishing the weak will never make them stronger.

If all your will is used to hurt yourself even more... You'll never dare to even try to fight for your safety.

But there is also another brain mechanism that motivates this:

When we get hurt physically, the body communicates with nerve impulses so we'd get our body away from whatever harms us... like moving our hand away from a flame before even noticing it consciously. That's your survival instinct, your life force, more powerful than your will, coming to protect you.

Then to calm down this mechanism once the crisis is over, the brains send a fluid message of endorphins to say "It's okay, everything is fine now."

But this doesn't happen when people get hurt emotionally, because those are complex issues that need to be dealt with slowly.

So people cut themselves, to force the brain to give drugs... like a junky... To force it to say "Everything is okay now." But it's not! They inflicted yet another wound, which is a different story... and will need time to heal too!

If you want to be soothed, then give your body what he needs and he’ll do it without the treat and punishment of a knife!!! Take a warm bath with Epsom salt (magnesium) and baking soda (alkaline PH helps neutralize the acidity produced by stress and anger) the skin will suck it in, the heat will help you relax. It will be bliss. Swallow calcium + D3 and magnesium… in food and supplements too. You’ll feel way better than you ever knew or imagined possible!!! If you add vitamin C, 2-4g, or even 10… you’ll see that you don’t even need to die to reach heaven!

There is no way in hell you can heal pain by inflicting more wounds! It's a never ending vicious cycle!

It's the worst kind of junky. Smokers can harm their lungs but hat's not their intent and they're often in denial about the risk... But when you grab a knife and attack yourself, that's clear and obvious!

Instead to rely on your survival instinct to lead you to safety, to allow it its purpose as your protector and be your best ally... never alone... You attack yourself ignoring its plea, crushing its attempts to protect you, spitting on your very life force... then...

How can you possibly hope for respect when you won't respect yourself.

The coping mechanisms that you choose now will evolve with time and as you grow, everything will, so choose wisely.

What will you do in the future if you have a lover who's sad over failing an exam, what will you do to comfort her and try to make things okay... will you cut her face!!!?

What will you do if you work 100h a week for a contract, and the guy laugh in your face refusing to pay you... and then while you can barely walk from exhaustion, you have to go to the food bank, even though you work 2-3 times harder than anybody ever should, to get putrid food, handled without sanitation, and tasting as if a bunch of old people in an hospice rubbed it over their crotch! What will you do then!!!??? Will you cut your own legs so you'll have fewer cells to feed?

And when you'll have kids, if they play hide and seek and hide in the trunk of a car in the middle of a heat wave, unable to get out and never found... suffocating in there to death (true story, 2 little girls... awful) what will you do!??? Will you dig your heart out of your chest with a knife!???

Can't you see the absurdity of it!? It won't solve anything and just make things worst for you!!! And the people around you too! Then they will get back at you! Sometimes out of love hopelessly trying to help in vain, when they have no power over your will, only you do; or out of hatred, giving you more of the very thing that you wish to escape.

I sure hate you. I had a friend like you and I wasted my energy trying to help, when he whined to my face, but wrote how proud he was and that cutting was his favorite thing in his journal… I had lost so much for him, when my worries and torments were a million time more severe… that he had everything I hoped for but could never have, vital things… but he spat on it all! The ingrate!

When you willingly choose pain, then you’ll never escape it!!!

Yes, you'll always find some other retards who'll find it cool and be so proud of themselves, call it glamorous, and compare scars... but it doesn't make it ok… it’s counter productive... and freaking stupid!

If you wonder "Oh how can I tell my parents"... why? If you refuse to protect yourself and you're your own worst enemy, making things deadly worst for you at the slightest tiny speck of problem... no one will be able to save you!!!

Why don't you ask them what you should have instead from before you started:

"What do you do to cope and feel better in a difficult situation?"

Not all coping mechanism improves things. They can make it 10% better then 120% worst... like booze and drugs... that's not worth it. Problems can be solved. But with a clear mind, or you just become even easier to abuse and mistreat.

What I do... I take more vitamins C. Because your body needs it for vital functions, like the adrenal glands need it to... handle stress!!! So it makes me stronger. I eat a strew of greens, even when I thought that a box of cookie was more soothing, and my brain gets what he needs to function... then the answer come, simple, easy, obvious...

Because I gave myself a chance, I took care of myself, made myself my best ally, used all my strength instead to work against my body... and I gave out such a powerful prideful vide... that few dares to mess with me anymore! And those who do, I give them a piece of my mind and they back off quick! It really doesn't take much... just a few words.

And if life throws shit at me, because I work hard to reinforce my body... I'm like "bring it on!!! I know I can take it, no matter what, I'll figure it out even if I have to fail miserable a hundred times!" Of course I allow myself the right to retreat, lick my wounds, and rest when needed...

But I don't hate myself anymore, because I know that all parts of me are there for a purpose. My laziness allows me to rest when I'm sick. My rage protects me when I'm attacked. It took me a while to have the wisdom to figure out the right opportunity, but mistakes are great teachers.

When I'm angry, I write an angry file and pours out my thoughts and feelings over and over until they're coherent and that I know how to briefly tell my mind to whoever wronged me in the most efficient way. The pressure goes out with relief instead to build in like a time bomb.

If there's nothing I can do, I try to accept it and move on by adding joys to the balance, simple things that I enjoy doing. Like watching my fishes, animes, or reading about medical conspiracies...

Helping out, like replying people in yahoo answers, helps me take my mind off my own issues and emotions. I can better take a step back since I'm not directly involved, but it can be similar. It either helps me see how futile it is to freak out for pebbles, or it humble my hysteria seeing people worst off than I am. I'm grateful that it's not worst, so it eases the pain. It can empower me since it’s easier to find solutions for others, and give me a sense of pride since I manage to help people enough to get best answers.

Sulking and dwelling in more pain... can only bring more pain, and spread more pain, which sooner or later will come back as more pain... and the cycle goes on and on.

But what makes me angry the most... is that I finally understand my primal side, my rage... it’s only there to protect me... my precious body... I desperately searched for someone to love me, when there was something inside of me who asked for nothing more than to protect me out of unconditional love... Now no matter what happens, I feel safe, no matter how alone I am, I feel never lonely!!!

To cut that person... to dishonor it while it works so hard, with a power even stronger than will itself... your very life force… to destroy THAT. It’s to spit on your very being, on your very core and soul.

There is nothing but shame and pain in self cutting; no matter what people will tell you for being too ignorant to know better...

When you choose that path, all you have is shame and pain... and nothing, no one... will ever be able to save you... as long as you refuse to do it for yourself... and even make it worst for you...

Enjoying worsening yourself and your situation only proves your ignorance.

Learn better. Seek it out. Don't wait for school, parents or a counselor to do it for you. They're dumb asses too.

Figure out how to solve problems and reach your goals. Everyone is different and there's so many ways. Why choose solutions that aren't even on a list of clever things to do… so stupid that they’re in the gutter along with dog crap... for an easy way out? Slicing your arm against the utter strength of your own survival instinct can't possibly be easier than saying:

"Fuck that shit; I have better things to enjoy" and walking away!

Why don't you slice and dice yourself a nice dinner instead? That will make you strong. Try greens and carrots. You won't be so angry if you're well fed, you won't even care about that crap if you're too busy taking good care of yourself.

You can die from septic shock even from the most superficial wound...

If you want to die, then stop messing around with failure as a goal and do it properly already!

If you're a masochist, find someone to whip you, but don't cause real damage.

If you're angry, then insult, shout, punch... cut and kill someone if you have to! Sometimes it's vital. But most of the time respect and peacefully letting equal space for the other's needs, with a fair compromise that doesn't hurt anyone, will be the wiser choice.

Often all you have to do to fight injustice is to merely ask!!! To fight abuse, it's often enough to simply say NO! ("Fuck off" works too. Have fun with this.)

How are people supposed to know otherwise? They're already clueless and confused enough trying to figure themselves out! If it doesn't work, ask again with more conviction and assertiveness.

Will is a great power all by itself! Your voice can be the best weapon.

If actions has to be taken, there's self defense. Even a little girl can be very convincing when nailing a pen in a criminal's eye. Even the strongest have weaknesses.

Be patient, wait for your moment, then win! Life is way more exciting this way. Getting whatever we want with a snap of the fingers... it's boring. The greatest warriors find way more satisfaction beating the hell out of someone stronger than by walking on an ant. That's just futile and childish.

If someone boost their self esteem that way they must really be worthless. Don't even acknowledge them. Don't do this either. Avoid, ignore, forget. Like said at ratracetrap: "How to Deal With Stupid, Needy, Irritating, Toxic, and Generally Crappy People".

You have NO excuse to harm yourself. There is no such reason! No matter how stupid, wrong, failures and unworthy of life humans are! You still have the duty to take care of your life above all!!! It's the one and only law that you should never question or break.

If you don't have that life, that body, you have NOTHING! As long as you have that, endless possibilities are spread before you!!!

Your living body doesn't need to have a worth, because something so elaborated, so magnificent, so precious all by itself surpass anything of value just by being!!! Its meaning is endless in eternity, so no matter how much you screw up you can't fail as long as you stay alive! That’s all life ever wanted from you:

As long as you stay alive by the end of the day, your life is a success.

So don’t go pointing knifes at yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If there's something you don't like, work on that, you don't need to throw everything away! Nurturing hatred and pain, closing your eyes on everything else, is as much of a waste as giving up your own life, even if death doesn't come, your spark is gone. You become a black hole sucking the light inside everything and everyone around you, turning it to darkness, never feeling satisfied... because what you choose to feed with your energy is pain, anger and despair... for the pure sake of itself, instead to try to learn and build something good from it. You're dooming yourself to hell in a state worst than death. It's poetic but even more pitiful and since it's self inflicted... pathetic.

The glory that can come from this isn't jumping in it and dwelling in self pity... it's having fate throw it in your face against you will, and overcoming it by diving deep into yourself and pouring out more strength than anyone can imagine possible... building your own heaven in adversity, frailly managing to bloom in a typhoon as the trees around you are being ripped off the ground, mustering the courage to move on in spite of paralyzing terror.... and smiling in spite of everything against you giving you all the reasons of the world to cry. THAT is strength. That is purely poetic and inspiring.

Overcoming hell itself… starts with the will and then a first step.

Defend your life, fight for your needs, protect yourself.
Who will if you don't! NO ONE.

If you want to live, then make choices that will! Get up, fight for your safety with everything you have, take care of yourself and LIVE!

Never go down without a fight, even if it's just a whispered protect, never give up on yourself, on your body, on life. Even in the mud on your knees, lift you head and look at the sky... Smile. It's all that it takes to hold on to your dignity.

No matter how useful information can be, or how people can be good and loving to you, it's still up to your outlook.

Choose to believe better and see life itself change color by there mere power of your convictions.

Know better.
Enjoy better.

Now if you cut yourself, this belongs to you:

As much as I spent great energy to understand, it's all the more reasons to absolutely refuse to enable what you're doing. I utterly refuse to reward it with any shreds of sympathy or compassion; what you're doing to yourself is too unquestionably wrong. *Punches your face hard enough to make you fall off your chair.* Why should I, or anyone, respect and care for you... if you refuse to do it for yourself. You wouldn't even be able to appreciate anyway, oblivious, as your gaze is turned towards pain. Kindness and love would be wasted on you, until you choose those things instead… for yourself… by your own hand.

Be careful what you wish for; it could be the worst thing against your deepest desire.

Be careful what you turn your back against; it could be what you crave and need the most.

Enjoy. For it is the direct result of your own choices.

If you don't like the consequences, then try something new.

If you like it, then stop whining and leave people in peace before someone, or karma, shows you what pain really feels like!

It can always get worst, people and life will make it so... at least don't worsen it. Be grateful not to be in pain all the time, to be free. So damn, make wiser choices. Feed yourself nutritive foods so you'll be able to think!

Life and people can also get better... so you can choose hope instead of despair... and self improvement instead of self harm. You can only blame yourself for how bad and hard those views make it for you, but even that isn't a reason to cut.

Try to smile sometimes; you might be surprised by how powerful a little effort can be. Like a snow ball rolling off a mountain, or a domino effect… Make sure that what you throw in the pond of your life is something that you want to see make waves and grow.

Because it will, for everyone to see.

If you want to know where to cut to make it less noticeable, obviously it's anywhere but your arms... and your face... Making rows at the same place will clearly be something dumber than a stupid accident: deliberately self inflicted. As if life wasn’t hard enough already!

It will be especially infuriating for people who have chronic diseases and are in pain all the time, while you screw up your luck... and for people who don't even have arms! They manage to do their best and paint with their toes, what are you waiting for!!!

A lot of loathing will be rightfully coming your way. It's not like being gay and finding the courage to accept yourself and spread love the way your body commands you... You're choosing this and spreading pain! The attitude that you adopt towards yourself will spread out on others wither you want it or not. It become who you are.

So to hide in shame, you can try to cut under your feet, armpits, twisting needles under your nails... But it will always be there to be found. And it will be. By the last people you'd want to know: the people closest to you, that you love the most, and dread the most to become lower in their opinion and esteem. How's that for a downside? Is it still worth it? If yes, you really are an asshole. Try stabbing the knife up there and see how that feels like. Nothing hurts like a pain in the ass! Except a pain in the ear, that too. Since you refuse to listen to reason, you might as well become deaf.

If not stop, replace it with something else that's constructive.

If you truly want to be cool with pain, EXERCISE! Running like a mad dog will make billions of cuts all over your muscles, everywhere, but no where to see. It's how muscles get stronger. It's shame free, and that's what is glorified. Most people admire an athletic body much more than a mere skinny body. So you can't become a loser by choosing this. If you eat what your body needs to build them, you'll become stronger and be able to handle much more, and people will be more intimidated to mess with you. The glow of pride and accomplishment that you'll project will be more than enough. Put your efforts where there will be the greatest rewards. That's not in cutting unless you want to become a cook!

Obviously to choose to pointlessly cut yourself with scars as result, you don't have much of a brain and your strength lies else where. So all the more reasons to nurture physical strength. There's great money to be made in physical labor, and that can really take your mind off things.

Vitamin C will help to heal, vitamin E is said to help scars... I think there are procedures that can minimize scars slightly... but not completely. Cutting can't be undone, so why start... and the stench of shame will never leave you. What you teach yourself, every time you cut, gets deeper into your mind and becomes harder to get it out.

You don't have to suffer anymore. If you decide that it’s enough, by your hand or others. You can't control people for trying, but you can control how you react. You can tell them to fuck off, you can walk away... you can do both... you can punch them... yes, you can even cut yourself, but it doesn't mean that you should. It’s the worst idea.

You can do so much better for yourself, just do that instead.

But sure, sadly, you have the choice to remain stupid... as I have the one to punch you in the face. If this is the world that you ant to build within yourself and spread around you... then you're going to have to live in it, and see the people you love suffer too sooner or later.

I, for one, don't want to live in a world like this. So I simply don't. Massive dose of vitamins and minerals proved a much more effective way feel better than drugging myself, especially magnesium, it can make me euphoric. I also know much more creative and pleasurable ways to be a masochist.

But all I can do is grant the best for myself, and share the knowledge with you.

Only you can choose to doom or save yourself.
But either way, you'll have an upside and a downside to deal with it.
Are you sure it's worth it?
Or could something else be easier and reach your goal even better...
Figure it out.
You won't know until you try.

If you can't even count on yourself to be respectful, kind, helpful and to take care... then no matter how many people will try to help you, their efforts will be destroyed by your will... you'll truly be hopeless... and all alone... in the endlessly empty black hole that became your heart... and that you worked so hard to make. You'll suck all light from the people around you, leaving them feel miserable and empty... and you will be proud. For no reason.

The only thing that can be done about you, as long as you'll find that cool enough to be your choice and let it become your very identity, is to turn away in disgust... and run for our lives.

Even pity... would be a waste of energy, in this sucking darkness that you allowed yourself to become.

A darkness that is beautiful is a self sustaining evil flame of passion. The absolute conviction that we deserve the best, ready to reach it and fight for our very selves... with everything we've got and by any means necessary.

The only difference is the choice. But the gap is immeasurable.

You're not even a maggot. Even worms have a purpose; they dig holes so the rain can go deep in the earth, watering deeper roots and avoid drowning surface plants... to then feed animals that will feed others and so on. Until they die and worms eat them and return them to the earth.

What the hell are you doing, seriously... what the hell... I understand even better than you do. That's how I know how utterly absurd it is.

Stop... just... STOP!

Just don't grab sharp objects.
If you notice a sharp object in your hand, put it down.
As simple as that!

For ideas on how to replace that massive bullshit with something else, read more on coping mechanism. You can start with: Vent anger for balance & inner peace.

Stop trying to do like the other fools. It doesn't make it effective, cool nor okay even if the majority does it. Normal is overrated.

Enjoy~ But something else than that crap. Life and people will be hard enough, you'll mess up enough trying your best... don't screw yourself deliberately... for your sake!

It upsets me, it hurts me... there's enough suffering in the world. Stop making it worst!!! Stop bullying yourself! Stop spreading more pain! JUST STOP!!!!!

But all I can do, is take care of myself.

So enjoy whatever you will... if you don't but do it anyway... then maybe you do deserve to suffer.

So many people mutilate and sabotage themselves in so many ways... out of foolishness... I guess your way is just one more among a big rainbow of stupidity. But when it's this obvious and you stubbornly persist anyway... I guess that makes you the king of the mountain of manure. Congratulation… You manage to impress me by pushing the limits of human mediocrity to new lows, and as a misanthrope, I already have a really bad opinion of humanity. Your mommy must be very proud of you; after all you take after half of her... But that might proves to be very horrifying for her to find out her own reflect into you...

A piece of my soul is withering away... just thinking about all the different variations of the same kind of stupid people that are in society. I thought there was nothing worst than self cutting... But I just realized... it's one way among so many... to disrespect yourself, to deny yourself self care, to harm yourself... Like the alcoholic frying his liver trying to get energy and relax when it contains poison and no nutrients. Like the junky stabbing a needle in his arm trying to force his brain to feel happy, running away instead to fix things or find peace walking away... Like the adrenalin seeker jumping off illegal places for sky diving, because it's clearly too narrow for a parachute and deadly, but doing it anyway to prove that he's cool… killing himself into becoming yet another statistic that made the law in the first place... Damn. That's not okay...

You're not worst or better than the rest of the fools. Just another piece of shit floating in the sewer of humanity... Yet you anger me, because the mere idea of denying yourself protection is shattering my heart… *whispering* because I've lived like that for so many years... I didn't cut myself but I allowed people to do much worst to me... so much worst... until I couldn't stand on my own two feet anymore... so exhausted trying to please people that my internal organs started to shut down... So unfair, so infuriating... because of me, merely because I allowed it. I sure as hell don’t anymore!!! I suffered so much, adding it by my own hand would be as unthinkable as it is despicable. I survived hell because I could count on myself!!! But even at times I've been my worst enemy, I even starved myself hoping to be skinny, beautiful and deserve love... WHEN I ALWAYS BEEN WORTHY!!! It was never about worth to begin with! All I had to do is feel it within me... for myself. My hell is over now, because I MADE it so. With whatever it took, I even sacrificed dreams, hopes and people... To improve my reality. I embraced my darkness... so that it would protect me.

BUT! There's no way I'd turn my rage against myself especially now!!! This pain belongs to you. You want it, keep it! *Punches your face* That's better.

I keep thinking that anything is better, even hurting others... but beating a loving wife because you feel humiliated at work and need devastating power over something to take out your frustrations, shaking your crying baby until he gets brain damaged, or priests raping children... that's not better... but it's probably not worst either... But violence to protect a loved one and yourself, I think it has purpose. But to any criminals, their motivations seem justified too. But fighting to save your life, as a last resort for survival, is different than raping because you're too lazy to date or masturbate, or too cheap to pay a whore. So... much... bullshit... everywhere... But if we don't find ourselves too sacred, too precious... then it will never stop, it will only get worst... as we use our wits to find solutions... only to chose one that cause even more pain.

I didn't meet many people who choose to take care of themselves, to respect their body above all, to nurture it and feed it what it needs to function, to rest when needed and respect their limit, pushing the frontier slowly and gently... But the choice is there. Buried under the loud ignorants, praising each other and glorifying stupidity... making it the norm and mocking whoever wishes for else, for more, even if it's better... especially if it’s better… because then it would unmask their own short comings. They teach it to children... and mindlessly they follow... even if they have so much more to offer, to be, to do… Asking people to be normal is another way to belittle the less fortunate out of prejudice, and to spit in the face of greatness.

Maybe I'm wrong trying to convince people to stop doing self harm. Maybe you're right to hate yourself enough to hurt. Perhaps I should be upset that you failed killing yourself instead... That would improve the problem of over population. Overcrowding can make people hostile... not enough space, real foods, jobs nor goods for everyone...

Maybe I resent you for showing me how stupid I was in my own way, and should respect that you have to go put yourself through something similar, in your own really dumb way, before learning better... But I really wish I could spare you that. I probably wouldn't be able to spare it for my younger self even with a time machine though... but I really hope that you'll wake up sooner than I did... No one deserves to live like this... Even pedophiles, they just don’t deserve to live at all. Ha! I guess I can think of worst than you.

But my grudge against people like you is because I gave everything and more to answer the plea for help of a friend doing the same. His pain was so trivial compared to the dangers I was facing, I should have been the one asking for help and support. But I stayed silent, thinking that if he can't handle so little, when he had more than I ever hoped for... He wouldn't be able to help me through life endangering crisis. I lost friends, neglecting them and myself for him... But then I saw his journal... he never mentioned me, and even though he whined to me about cutting, he wrote that it's the best thing of his life. When I got kicked out and needed his support desperately, he laughed at me and danced on my grace with the person who just hurt me... My friend... whom I suffer for to support his pain, while it made him nothing but happy... Allowing him to make me feel miserable and drag me down in the mud... abusing my kindness... my friendship... my affection... rejoicing in my demise... as if I was an enemy... while all that he ever cherished... was the cutting he whined about to everyone else... Then I saw, how futile it is to try to help someone who refuses to help themselves. Later he got on drugs and apologized, saying that the magic pills made him different, but he wasn't. I couldn’t handle more. I had more than enough of his sweetness covered razor blades. I choked on those lies long enough. I had so much more reasons than him to manipulate, crush, and ravel in people's agony for once but I didn't!!! There's no excuse. A pill can't change who you are. No matter how much I am out of my mind when I'm hypoglycemic and enraged from rabid hunger, it's harder to control myself, but I still do it!

You can't save someone from pain... when his choice is that very pain. I won't again, I won't give my love and support... but I leave this knowledge to whoever wants to try to save themselves from their own stupidity. This is how I am letting go, by pouring everything out, then letting it flow away~ Not by branding it into my flesh forever.

If I had children, I'd do my best to control the aggressively that can come with my hypoglycemia, feed them the best food to spare them this misery, and teach them what I know and values that helps me go through life. If I had a teen and found out that he cut, especially catching him in the act, I'd unleash all the rage, cruelty and violence that I can muster in an absolute revolt against destroying my efforts to take good care of him. I'd beat the hell out of him, or even her. Slap, grab hairs, bang head in the wall, throw them on the ground with disgust and kick them in the gut. I'd grab a belt and beat the hell out of them screaming on top of my lungs "You want pain and misery? You think life is hard? I'll show you how good you have it, how worst it can get... and the true meaning of terror and suffering!" When I got like that, before understanding why and how to avoid this with better food and life choices, only seeing blood could calm me down. Then I'd walk away saying "Now I'm going to go cry in my room..." and I'd do it for hours, at my own inadequacy to protect my own child from the stupid information given by even stupider teens... how much my efforts are little compared to peer pressure and the constant hammering of the adds... I'd cry for the sake of my child and my own shame to have had to use violence as a last resort... Then I'd probably refuse to do their meals, saying that if they want to cut something, then to cut the vegetables for the entire family, for the entire week, until they are too tired and are sick of knives to cut themselves... I'd make them do their own laundry... Well, I'd always teach them everything so they can be self sufficient on their own... but I'd make it sound like I'd just plain abandon them... telling that if they want help, then to ask for it; that it's all they ever had to do to get it... But I need their help too, at making the home work; at protecting them... and whoever harm my child will get hell itself from me, even them. If pain makes them happy, then as much as it crushes my heart, I'd beat the tears out of them. If it raises suspicions, but I'd make sure to leave no marks, the whole point of replacing the knife, I'd show the cutting marks and say "Maybe he did that to himself to~ Or maybe I wanted to teach him that pain isn't so cool nor a solution after all, and make them wish the pain could be gone forever~ Instant therapy. Who knows~" Affection never worked for something like this... Maybe the sheer aggressiveness of a hypoglycemic rage can teach them their place. If their freedom is going to make that kind of dangerously stupid choices, then they might as well get crushed and dominated completely until their brain develop some more... Maybe I should avoid hitting in the head... and force them to watch utterly adorable and friendly shows full of joy and laughter to torture them. One thing for sure, kindness never worked. Life teaches us by failure and pain so we’d stop moving in a harmful and unwanted direction, and motivate us to move out of our comfort zone and find the strength to reach better. Pain shouldn’t be use for relief or to dwell in self pity… it’s dissuasion. Sometimes what’s needed to properly motivate… is way more pain that is bearable. But that’s not up to you to choose, you do not have the wisdom of fate. Pain is never something that is to be accepted or played with, not real pain… and if you get scars… it’s not foreplay. I'd force them to do sports, even though my bloodline is specialized with intellect, to reinforce their weakness and gain the ability to defend themselves against jocks, martial arts is great. But if they cut, all the more reason to give them an outlet for that build up aggressivity... if you're too tired to move, you won't be able to even lift a knife and turn it against yourself. You should be there for yourself and rely on yourself… but not for that kind of needs.

To truly take it out, it has to move away from you. If it’s going to backfire, don’t do anything at all.

You don't need therapy; it would just enable and reward someone who's even more clueless and stupid as you are. I know. I tried for a decade when my ideas ran out. Giving up on others and taking care of everything I ever needed to receive by giving it to myself, vitamins & minerals and even emotions, is all that it took! Allowing myself to rest and be imperfect was as liberating as if was fundamental!

All you need is to find another method to reach the same benefits without the downsides. There are plenty!

Well, when you'll have enough of that bullshit you do to yourself, or the one that the world around does to you, then you can try to at least clean up your own mess. People will still be shitty, but maybe you'll find yourself more bearable, and it would already be an improvement.

I did my best to widen your horizons of choices... but I guess that if you like having your head up your ass, you're not going to see much of anything else... no matter what is shown to you. When you'll choose not to, you'll find a way.

If just one person tries something different after reading this, then my effort was worth it... and just one still means that the world became a better a better place.

But if all it served is to pour out my frustrations in a constructive way... turning them to text instead of blood... to hope instead of anguish... if that one person that it helped is me... then it's still good. Because this way I changed the world inside and around me. That’s great enough. It's where I live. The rest is YOUR problem!


Actually, in spite of all that, I did.

Lisa Of Shades
22 August 2013

Kick the bucket!

If you want to die, I made a "How to suicide" tutorial.

Here's the first page: Verify the goal.

And the one you'll probably like the most since you're half way there: Wrist slitting.

Here's a clue: you're doing it on the wrong side! Or not deep enough. Put your heart into it and you'll stop failing eventually! Hang in there~


Just develop morbid sarcastic humor like me. You'll be way less angry and wayyy happier~ It really helps me control my urge to kill the hell out of so many stupid people!

You can still enjoy dark fashion even with a smile on your face. Having the guts to laugh in Death's face is way cooler than cutting and dying!

Chucky and Freddy are so much fun!


Emo goth kid kicking a bucket


The emo/goth kid was edited by me with:
  • Soccer kid from hncgl
    (Please forgive me for disfiguring your art! It's greater than what I could have done... Cheering people up is a good cause.)
  • Bucket from mspmentor.
    (About "why me", I picked you because I like your color. Don't worry about it, people are dumb like that.)
Any resemblance with actual people (living, dead, cutting or suiciding) is purely coincidental but totally on purpose. Would you sue a mirror for being derogatory? If you don't like the cutting marks in my picture then stop cutting! But not all emo/goth do. I just wanted to illustrate the absurdity, to cope with the pain and sadness... that I actually feel for you.

Lisa Of Shades
7 September 2013

New discreet place to cut

If you don't want people to find out from scars, try this new idea:

between your buttocks!

Or even better, a knife up your ass! You obviously don't fear doing stupid things, so why not, while you’re at it. If you want to mutilate, it’s inside that’s the good stuff. How about drinking needles? Too hard core for you? Hey, I might be psycho for thinking it, but you're the one actually doing stuff like that... to yourself of all people.

There’s nothing like a pain in the ass…
except maybe the ear.

If your parents surprise you on your knees, but up, and a knife on your ass, tell them you’re gay and doing hard core masturbation. If you confess later about the cutting they probably will feel a little relieved.

But I think that gays and masochists are better than what you are doing.


Lisa Of Shades
7 September 2013

If you stop shitting all over your life, maybe you'll be happier.

Lisa Of Shades
30 October 2013
Right to be ©razy 2013 and beyond!