Bananapoop ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial ~ This is not a banana tree!

Health ~ Coping ~ Vent anger for balance & inner peace

To find balance you must also welcome darkness into your life. Anger can be a powerful drive that will motivate you to surpass obstacles with passion. But it can be very destructive if accumulated or unleashed without control. One key of finding balance is to know how to vent anger constructively .

It's a powerful force, like fire. Just like blazes, it can have a life of its own and consume even its caster against his well being. But life cannot be without the sun.

We have 3 brains: emotional, rational and primal. The last one is like an animal; its instinct's precision can defy logic. It's an important output to have. It takes care of repetitive tasks like breathing, walking, and unleashing hell to protect your life.

Its rage can surpass any emotions, because it's the sheer power of a life force in all its glory.

This beast is as terrifying as it’s vital and beautiful. It has its purpose. If it exists to protect the heart under the guidance of the reason, it can be the greatest ally.

Sealing away with hatred isn't wise. Denying its existence trying to be a force of pure good won't change the law of existence: balance. A force just as dark will grow in the back of your mind. A wild animal, caged, tortured, will be the worst demon when it manages to unleash itself in a moment of weakness... a time when you will be threatened, in danger, in need of help... and in spite of all the torture you inflicted on him... he will come out with the only will to keep you safe.

Educate him, nurture him, and you'll be able to use that destructive power in a constructive manner.

When life and people get frustrating, anger can build up. But to avoid becoming a time bomb, it's best to vent the pressure, to help keeping that monster from unleashing hell on someone who might least deserve it and whom you might love the most.

I visualize mine as a wolf; it's easier to talk to a form... I repeated the rules and who's an ally over and over until he got it. The brain is like a muscle, just like you can't expect to become fit by lifting a weight once, same is for learning. So be patient.

Even the wisest need to vent and here are a few ideas. But prevention of frustrations is even better. It starts with filling your needs, all in balance, and accepting your limits.

They're more elaborated after this list of links:


I thought of it first because it's obviously the one that I used the most; but you choose what works best for you.

In a file, pour out all your angry feelings, over and over. After a while you'll run out of fire and you'll be able to put hatred aside and write your grief logically. Then when you'll meet the person who wronged you again, you'll be able to remember the words that could best send your message across. After a while you might not even need to do that.

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Laughing reduces stress and even pain. If you want endorphins, try laughing instead of cutting yourself. But at your own misery, not creating more all around you, or it can come back to you, and fill your heart with hate and spite.

Let go.

Dark morbid jokes are my favorites. Because I'd rather laugh in the face of death than long for it in despair. It's a great way to let my anger out constructively, even if it shocks many people, because poking at the pink bubble of their denial isn't the worst thing that can be done. At least there's no blood all over the place.

Allowing myself to be unpolitically correctrelease me from the pressure of being perfect, always good at all times. Which isn't possible. Everything is balanced, we have a dark side... and the closer you get to the light, the bigger your shadow grows. Building up pressure only create a dangerous ticking bomb. Morbid humor, or laughter in general, is a great way to release it.

See my page Humor ~ Demotivational ~ Health and All funny pictures. But it's okay if you don't share my dark humor. It takes a lot of bad jokes to find a good one. Letting the flow of inspiration come out freely is the best way to eventually make one.


Lisa Of Shades
Added: 31 October 2013

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This is the most important.

It will make you strong so you'll be able to handle much more and heal.

Vitamin C
will help the adrenal glands handle stress, because that's not even happening in your head!

Greens like broccoli, and fat like almonds since your brain is made of it, with light your mind and you'll be able to find a solution. Their calcium and magnesium will be very soothing. A hot bath as well.

If you're starving an animal, he'll become enraged from this alone! Fill your needs.

Reactive hypoglycemia
means that your blood sugar crashes by either not eating often enough (take almond snacks) or by eating too much or badly (hate sugary, refined and grains including corn. They harm you. Ban them) and your sugar crashes lower than if you didn't eat at all. Like shooting your pancreas with a gunshot (Some booze are called shooters for a damn good reason, but they're all bad for being more intense than sugar with a spoon!) so it makes too much insulin... the adrenal glands reacts to stress by freeing stored fuel from the liver with adrenalin; but if they are too tired (lack of C and B complex to function) your blood sugar crashes instead, no matter how much you eat, you end up unable to use it if you store it. So it's best to eat slowly digested greens full of fiber and almonds as a snack.

When your blood sugar crashes, that means your brain end up with not enough fuel, that's as bad as missing oxygen and suffocating. This is a threat and you can die from this. So your survival instinct will become enraged to protect you, out of misguided love. Teach him better, that you simply need to feed. Then you will do so.

Our bodies couldn't keep up with the degeneration of our food so the message we receive is a confused activation of all our fears, since our belly is too full of sand and cardboard to growl for its needs.

This can make someone extremely aggressive, as we usually look outside for sources of threats, and it can end up turned against us.

All you have to do is feed properly, real nutritive foods that weren't mutilated, stripped of their vitality (even the meat stays alive for a while after the actual animal perished)... something with vitamins and minerals. Not paint and corrosive poisons like preservatives, and other horrors to trick your brain, damage it, and make your survival instinct snap enraged under those bad treatments.

A well fed animal is calmer, no matter how wild and aggressive he can be.

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Hot Bath

This is so very relaxing, especially with baking soda. If it can detox some radioactive chemicals and cure cancer, it can do wonders for the littler things too. They discovered that your breath become toxic or acidic when angry... It's alkaline so it can help. The magnesium of Epsom salts too.

But the hot water itself helps relax muscles.

People who are depressed are actually exhausted. To save energy they can sacrifice hygiene. But while a cold shower is stressful, a hot bath can actually spare you more energy than it requires to take it. Because our body are about 37°Cless if you are exhausted so it’s a good way to see if your body is truly shutting down, if someone say that you are lazy or that it's just in your head, when you need to relax. (It's like taking a crap, when you have to, you have to... Holding the need will just make you sick...) But the usual room temperature is about 25°C... so your body constantly has to use energy to heat itself up. Yup, when you sit on your ass, you burn calories... But when your body is exhausted, sparing him any amount of energy can be life saving, especially if the balance between stress putting demands on your adrenals and having enough vitamin C and B complex to supply the demand... is dangerously broken...

Boiling yourself up until you're as red as a ready to eat lobster will spare you the energy to keep yourself warm, if you don't eat well and often enough, your thyroid will shut down your metabolism to use your little resources on a longer period of time and survive longer... so your extremities can become ice cold to save heat for the vital organs in the middle.. Before I discovered the joy of vitamins and minerals supplements, I had such hypothermia that boiling myself and staying under a tower of fur blankets was salvation.

Of course if you wash yourself with toxic perfumes and other cancer causing chemicals like artificial color, your skin will suck it in, your blood will send it to your vital organs, and brain, and he'll tell you that washing yourself is a bad idea... But it's actually rubbing yourself with poisons... If you use baking soda instead, it will do wonders.

I wouldn't drink baking soda... The gut is best acidic and baking soda is alkaline. But sucking it straight into my veins with my skin probably balance out the massive amount of vitamin C (ascorbic acid) that also does wonders.

Not to be confused with baking powder, which is corn starch and aluminum, which is toxic.

Stay warm, and in a hot water, it will add watery pleasure. When I ate corn other, grains and chemicals and had severe stomach pains, a hot bath helped alleviate pain and relax muscles, so my stomach that was probably struggling desperately hard to kick the poisons out... Gravity isn't the same in water... you kinda float... so it alleviated pressure in my gut. Also, before I discovered that taking magnesium everyday would magically get rid of my period cramps and any PMS (probably also C, B complex and banning soy that mimics female hormones and probably made the hole process more painful) taking a hot bath relieved my cramps...

I still take hot baths, but now it's because I want to enjoy the sweet watery warm sensation~

It's like being in the uterus of your mother, but without having a crazy bitch all around you. Well, my mother is. Just look at me, I'm crazy for a reason, trust me, some people aren't safe to be kept around you. But water is~ Well, at least in a bath. Just don't fall asleep face first, and keep the soft music from plugged electric appliances in another room. Unless you want a painful death, then it's okay. I believe in free will.

But relaxed and in less pain, thanks to a hot bath, you'll probably be happier to be alive.


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If you can't take it anymore, then it's time to rest. Avoid stimulations like loud music or the bright light of videogames.

Allow your mind to unwind and you'll find calm again.

If you need a time out, it's okay to say so. I read about a woman who received a "Do not disturb" sign. She saw it as the ultimate proof of love. I thought of putting a red card on my door when I'm having a bad hypoglycemic mood. But I prefer to live alone anyway.

Sleep. It is necessary for your mind to organize the daily information properly, that's why we dream. We also do body maintenance. More energy is used during sleep than while being awake, so don't wait until you crash. This isn't the matrix, you aren't a rechargeable battery.

Being able to sleep can be as simple as a hot bath and a blindfold to let the dark tell your mind that it's sleep time. Calcium (with D3 to absorb it) and magnesium do wonders as well.

Don't wait until you're so exhausted that you end up functioning on adrenalin alone, completely berserk. If you wake up earlier to enjoy your morning it will set a much more serene pace for your day, especially since you'll have the time to eat a big breakfast to give you the energy to last.

Having your biggest meal in the evening, when energy is not needed, backfires. You'll have too much energy to burn to be able to sleep, after being in a starving agony all day.

Invert that by eating supper for breakfast. It will be confusing to change your ways, but that alone will relieve so much stress and frustrations. You'll have more energy to handle what your day will throw at you, so it will affect you less.

If you wake up earlier, you'll end up having more sleep. Because your mornings will be pleasant, I even watch a funny cartoon enjoying my meal. Since bed time won't be the end of joy before another day of torture, you won't feel the need to push in the sleepiness, staying awake by terror.

You won't need to dread your tomorrows anymore.

Your whole life will become brighter.


“Pink Noise - Pure Sound For Relaxation, Increased Concentration” can help you sleep better by burying sudden noises. It took me a few days to get used to it, especially the change in volume, but now it feels like sleeping by a waterfall with wind in the trees. It’s bliss~

I edited the version that I extracted from YouTube with a smoother transition:

Pink noise (rar). I put the mp3 song in a rar to download it instead to play.


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Use up that extra energy. Your survival instinct needs an outlet. It's a rabid wolf with too much power. Take it for a walk, just like a dog. I love to ride my bike; the wind in my face is very liberating. Running with all your might until you're too exhausted to muster the strength to punch someone in the face can sure be effective. That will give you lots of endorphins and pride.

If you prove to yourself that you can do push ups if you so choose, and can get better even at it, and anything, if you persevere; it will make you more confident and stronger if you need to actually do the punching.

By exercising you'll be making billions of cuts in your muscles, and then when you'll heal you'll actually be stronger. Win-win. Shame free. It's actually self care, unlike self cutting.

Dogs need exercise to stay healthy. Same with metaphorical canine demons.

The image was taken from delcopetcare Is dog walking a benefit for your dog?. They mention that "No outlet + built up energies = destructive behavior or possible separation anxiety" and "a sharper mind is a healthier mind and a tired dog is a happier pet owner".

It still applies for humans. We're sons of bitches~

But unless you have a lot of rage to express, exercise should be done gently.

The purpose of exercising isn't to loose weight. In The purpose of fat you'll read that toxins are the real culprit, exercise would be futile and impossible without proper fuel.

The heart pumps blood to provide fuel and oxygen, but there's nothing to pump the lymphatic system. It gets swished around as you move, pumped by gravity. The dictionary has a definition mentioning "flabbiness or sluggishness..." If you have vitality you'll be more apt to face adversity and a less appetizing target for assholes. The Lymph contains white blood cells, your warriors that keeps you healthy, make sure to clean the corpses out. Arming them with enough vitamin C will make your health invincible.

So exercising doesn't mean lifting weight and body building, this could exhaust you and make you ill if you push yourself too hard too fast. Even if ads would like you to spend hundreds of dollars in a gym, exercise can happen anywhere and can be very gentle.

It's not strength that makes you apt to defend yourself, it's resolve. It's not muscles that really make you intimidating and appealing, it's confidence.

Anything that moves you up and down, like a simple walk, will pump those fluids around and clean your system. That will be very refreshing~ Try a trampoline, I have a mini in my room, it has the added bonus of being freaking awesome! And gravity does all the work for you~

Exercise your face and smile~ That will lift your mood!

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Live it

When you feel ready, deal with the causes. If it's something you have no control over, then burn up the feelings using them for something else.

Denial won't make anything go away; it can build up and then explode against your better judgment on the person who least deserve it, and that you love the most.

You can watch a horror movie having a good laugh or play a violent videogame.

But make sure you balance it with something more peaceful later or it can backfire. You could break the balance and have your life completely overwhelmed with anger, even when there's joy to be had. Just like a comedy can help you calm down, dwelling too long in rage and filling your head and heart with it when life put better on your path can darken your days. But dosing it gently can bring a lot of fun.

I recommend horror movie parodies, so you see people suffer and can laugh without being a psychopath since it’s meant to be funny. I recommend: "Snakes on a plane", "Drag me to hell" and "Jason X". Any good old horror movie where people get punished for their own stupidity. Hilarious relief.

Bad break up as a woman and need to see a guy suffer? Watch "How to loose a guy in 10 days" and "my super ex girlfriend". Precious fun~ I can't stand romantic comedies, it raises expectations into the unrealistic and make me feel miserable... But I liked those! Heck watch it if you're a guy too, you'll be glad you're single after seeing those girls get crazy. There's even an upside in loss and adversity~ And even in there love can bloom. Life is full of weird plots and turns... I guess that's what makes hope possible and it’s fun~

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Scream in a pillow

I read somewhere that babies stay joyful because they don't hold back when they have an issue. They scream they head out and then all that's left inside is peace. It’s best to use a pillow to avoid attracting unwanted attention. It's cruel and spread more pain into the world to use someone, especially if they didn't wronged you or using a silly excuse... or worst making one up out of spite no matter what they do. We can all make mistakes, but that one should be improved more urgently than others.

Unlike your kids, school mates or coworkers, a pillow can't snap and stab you in your sleep later, or bring a gun at school or work. So it's win-win. Calling someone insane is just a way to admit your ignorance; and that you'd rather insult than understand. Try, it can calm your anger, and don't let people drive you mad. There's lot of steps that can be done before the red button. Even the sweetest little girl can be forced to retaliate with desperate means, against harassment and violence, after enough suffering accumulated inside her. It can even be from drips over a long period of time. So it's best to speak up. We all have the right to be safe and left in peace. I like violent movies and games, but I don't see the point in hurting the people I find lovable. Hate is the problem. Don't cultivate that.

So avoid spreading negative feelings with a snowball effect (wiki) they can come back as an avalanche. Use a pillow.

If someone catch you being voluntarily hysterical in a pillow, to fight the embarrassment and look wise, just smile and say that it was a self care exercise, and that you actually feel much better now.

Forcing yourself to cry and punching the pillow until all the grief comes out can be very liberating, even if it can take a while feeling silly.

If the feelings of sadness never turn off, then you’re in exhaustion, the depression is the alarm not the problem. You simply need to nourish yourself to heal and be strong again. Read on adrenal fatigue. Vitamins, minerals and rest is all you need, along with self compassion and not letting people drag you down.

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Voice your concerns

People can't know your needs or how you feel unless you tell them. They might be lost in thoughts trying to figure out their own, so even the obvious can go unnoticed... and people rely on denial a lot. They will take everything they can from everything, including you, so if you have a limit, just voice it when it's tramples. Being polite with conviction can get you more goods than a punch in the face.

A simple no can end abuse.

A simple demand can end injustice.

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Avoid, ignore, forget

Like said at ratracetrap: "How to Deal With Stupid, Needy, Irritating, Toxic, and Generally Crappy People". Some things aren't worth it.

Just tell yourself "Fuck that shit, I have better things to enjoy" then walk away.

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Add joy to the balance

Enjoy fun things to out power the bad.

This will help the flow of life to move away from that shitty bridge. Let go.

Your mind will go back to it, move your attention back to something more peaceful. Eventually it will fade away completely. I think it's the same principle when you meditate, except that you empty your mind. It's best to solve a problem or it will grow even bigger on you, but when something is out of your control, then let accept it and let it go. Don't slash your sword at the rain; it's only there to help water plants to help your food grow. And clean creatures. Go sing and dance in the rain. Make the best of it.

When no one is looking, cheer yourself up all silly. You can go weee~ in life anyway with a carefree attitude. But it can make people take you less seriously. Wonderful to free pressure especially if you take things too seriously though.

Lift your eyebrows and smile, it will tell your brain that it's joy time. You smile when you make the effort to acknowledge that you're happy... but it works the other way around. Have a laugh. Read jokes. There are some great morbid ones that can respect the mood that you have to live for the moment, if needed. It's the best exercise and very relaxing.

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Modify your focus

Life is simply life, you decide what you like or not. Everything has 2 sides. It's entirely within your power to look at the upside anytime you want and feel grateful even about the worst trial.

Accept that life is everything; it's not only sunshine and rainbows. Even if you don't understand, even the worst has its purpose somehow. Even if it's just to teach you not to do that shit yourself to others, and make you a better person.

A problem can become a great opportunity. Having life punch you in the face is often the only way to make you understand that you put your efforts in the wrong direction.

Even the things that you believe as holy can cause harm. Life isn't black and white, everything is necessary but in different situations, at different times, with different people. Figuring it out brings true wisdom.

Instead to focus on a loss, turn your eyes to cherish what's left, since all you can do is to enjoy it while it lasts. Instead to envy the people who seem to have more than you, look at the problems they had to face to get there and the suffering they have to endure to keep it.

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Lower your expectations, use smaller goals

If you aim for Neptune, you could move a long way but it will feel insignificant and frustrating. So aim closer, then you can set a new goal after having the satisfaction and joy to reach it.

Your path will be full of victories and it will be harder to get discouraged.
You'll cover more distance than you thought possible.

Just one step at the time, then another... and another...

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

There is no such thing as perfection. Your best will be different than someone else, about something else. That's why we gathered to help each other.

Don't have unrealistic expectations that can only doom you to fail, or endanger your health if you do it.

Life is the one thing you can't go on without...

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Simplify your life

In all things, there's a positive and a negative. It stays in balance so it's wiser to choose something based also on the bad that you feel ready to endure… and not just the greatest reward blindly. Because they're always of equal intensity.

Simplify your life, you'll both simplify your gains but also your problems. This can be liberating. It doesn't make you a lesser person if you're healthier, more serene, have more time to enjoy what you work for and the people you love.

Humility is seen as a quality after all.

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Accept your limits

To have your limits respected, you first have to respect them yourself... and for that you have to face them and accept them. Trying to win a marathon when your descendants evolved to be the best mindful scientists there is... it can be frustrating.

Embrace your strengths, and be kind to your weaknesses.
Someone else in the huge tribe of society will have the skill to help you with the needs that you could hardly fill yourself.

3 reasons it’s wise to know your limits was a very liberating article at creativeethos by Aaron. Sample:

1) Knowing your limits is motivating:
"When I hear that my “potential is limitless,” I look at completed work and berate myself for it not being good enough. Alternatively, when I hear that my limits are real, I don’t have to be the greatest novelist that has ever lived; I only have to be the best novelist that I can be. I’m no longer paralyzed by high expectations or fear of failure."

2) Knowing your limits fuels art:
Art is limited by the medium and time. "Limitations create urgency, tension, anxiety, which are fuel for creativity."

3) Knowing your limits is liberating:
"You’re naturally gifted in some arenas, but not so much in others. Sometimes your work is exceptional; sometimes it’s crap. This should feel liberating, not self-puncturing. You have a limited amount of experience, training, intelligence, ideas, time, ressources and energy at your disposal. Let not these limits constrict you, but free you. Let them inspire you to work ferociously within them. From now on, I’m going to allow myself to suck at writing. I’m going to accept my inner limitations. My life’s greatest novel could be worse than another’s journal scribbling. I will try my best to work within my limits, instead of denying them."

Set your own limits!

When you learn how to be your own slave, you become your own master.

About self care, setting limits, instead to do anything anyhow.
Abstaining from doing something is still an accomplishment.
Lisa Of Shades
Added 3 March 2014

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Trust in life and in yourself

Trusting others is hard and you can end up duped and betrayed... but you can't loose with trusting in life. Even when it throws something awful your way, you can trust it to offer you a chance to learn and become stronger, or to re-evaluate your existence for the better.

Believing in yourself to find a solution to go on, no matter what, no matter how many times you have to fail miserably... can empower you with great hope and tenacity.

That itself can overcome many obstacles.

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Love yourself yourself

No matter what there will always be someone who will hate you, and someone who will love you. Both for your strength AND for your weaknesses. Because all things simply are. We choose how to qualify them, and both choices are always available. If you don't like something it's natural, but instead to use all your energy trying to destroy what someone else might love, might need to do something that will indirectly benefit you... just walk away and use your time to enjoy what you really like... things that you can use to be the best you can be and offer at least good energy to the world around you.

You don't need to love your enemy, but you can respect his skills... he's at least good at being an aggravating. Be better and don’t let him. Go smell the roses and enjoy yourself. That will show him how puny his powers are over you more than a kick in the nuts.

Some people are ready to do anything just to get any kind of attention. Go along playfully only if you feel like a fiery challenge, not at the peril of having everything good in you and your life devoured by hatred. Have fun with it, or walk away from it.

It's useless to be angry at what's not there and what will never be. Love what is.

(Added 3 March 2014)

Love isn't something that you can take from others; it's something that you choose to feel for yourself.

You can only fully feel your own heart.

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Control yourself, have humility

It's useless to try to control the weather and people. All you can control is yourself. So you might as well do it to avoid becoming a controlling hysterical person out of arrogance mixed with insecurity. The most effective insults are spoken with composure, wit happens with a calm and clear mind. You have flaws, have mercy on them, and have mercy on others as well. We all have strength and weaknesses. The bigger the strength, the deeper the weaknesses somewhere else. The other way around is true as well. So enjoy what is, let the rest be.

Do your best with what's up to you, the rest is someone else's problem! Wonderful~

Why exhaust yourself when you can delegate. But accept that if it's not done by you... then it's not done by you, not your way, and the result may be different... but what matters is that it will be done. When someone does their best, they use their strength and skills, which are different than yours. Asking them to do it your way won't produce the optimum results that it would produce with you, because that's not what their body and mind is at ease with. So let it be. If it's really awful, teach them. If they just can't do it, have mercy, pride in your skills, but know that they can do something that you can't with their other specialty... a great leader will recognize that and split the tasks according to skills, and not just egoistically try to make clones of themselves so they can admire those mirrors all day long... That's not going to compensate for the flaws that you have too. And you sure have them. It's okay, someone else can help you as you help them with theirs. If you wish it so~

Give someone a chance to impress you beyond what you think is best... and the right to fail trying. Respect the fact that he might be trying to show you that he can be useful to you, and not look down on what you can't do. You're no supposed to be able to do everything on your own. The time you use to polish a skill can't be used to polish another... this is why we gather together. This is why people should be allowed the control over their own specialty and accomplishments. We’re best placed to know what we’re most at ease with and can do. Sharing knowledge isn’t the same as imposing a view. Showing a way isn’t the same as forcing a way. Free will, freedom… many people believed that it was more precious than life itself and worth dying for.

No one has the right to control the freedom of others, not even your god.

People can't evolve if they are soulless puppets, they can't reach their full potential and it's a big loss for the world which evolved with the original ideas of free thinkers. That’s how we constantly pushed the limits of what we thought possible. It can come from anyone. Watch the movie Ratatouille.

Trying to control people will only end in your own misery, no matter the result. If what they accomplish is greater than you hoped, you'd be too full of spite at the difference to see it. So be humble and know that people have the right to control their lives too. Even if their needs might conflict with yours sometimes, they might not be trying to cause you grief, but merely trying to avoid it for themselves... from your own hand.

Be careful with your ego. It can become astray if he doesn't also have the guidance of your heart and reason.

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Forgive, let go

For the longest time, I thought it meant to forget, clean the slate, do as if nothing happened and let the person hurt us again, without any apologies or dissuasive punishment. That's not what it means at all.

To forgive is to stop nurturing resentment, instead use that energy to heal and be happy again.

Not for the asshole's benefit, but for your own sake, and yours alone.

To deny him power over you. To let go of the sword he put in your heart and throwing it away. If the person show cares for you or not has little to do with this. But I wouldn't keep in my life someone who doesn't feel any remorse. I never forget, but when there's good will, it's okay to fail trying as long as the heart to try is there. It's mercy over the other's weakness. But if the pain was too great and the risk too deep, then I'd think of myself first. But not out of spite or hatred, I'd walk away out of love for myself.

For (to)... give... myself a chance to be happy again. With or without that person. Probably without since good will is rare and not always enough.

Forgive yourself with compassion.

Dwelling in self pity or self loathing won't polish the skill you wish you had. But trying and trying again will.

Running away from yourself with drugs (legal or not) or denial only lead to disaster, so as long as you do your best with what you have at that moment and try to learn from your mistakes... there's no shame to be had. No matter how much you failed miserably, at least you tried and that's admirable all by itself.

Resenting your past only waste the energy that can be used to enjoy the present and build a better future, so do that instead. Acknowledging that you don’t want that crap will help you know in which direction your best choice resides, but there’s no need to let it poison you.

Even the worst things can be used to help you move forward. If you choose that you had enough and find motivation in it.

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Defend yourself

Sometimes your needs will be in danger because someone will try to fill their wants at the peril of your very safety. Then anger will be your salvation. Unleash it with every fiber of your body. Learn self defence. Don't let anger control you blindly, this could make you vulnerable, but being berserk can be useful too. But remember, its only purpose... is to protect you. If you are in danger, let it.

It's best not to hit first. That will avoid any misunderstanding and it's easier to prove that it was necessary and to defend yourself later.

Words can the greatest weapon. Make sure to make your will crystal clear. Stare fiercely; the person attacking you can back down surprisingly quickly when he sees that you're not an easy victim to fill his wants after all.

Don't let people rape and kill you to be polite... be firm. It's your body and yours alone. Don't let smaller things slowly escalade into bigger abuse either. Put your limits upfront. They can change from day to day, and it's perfectly natural and should be respected just as much. Nothing is forever granted. Not even life. Be prepared. It can happen, it does, and it can happen to you. Knowing that will minimize the element of surprise, which can be extremely paralyzing, and that's okay.

Do your best with the crisis. It won’t be the best you can think of with a rested mind and days to prepare, so don't wait to be in a pinch to learn self defense. It’s best to know and not need it, than need it and not know what to do. Empower yourself. Then you will have more courageous options than letting fear consume you.

It won’t make you a bad person even if you do bad things. Protecting someone is good, allowing a crime to happen is bad. The context can turn black into white. Believing blindly that our good will is enough, and trying to impose that good forcefully, can do the worst harm!

Protect you safety, even with the people who claim to love you and that you love. Words are often enough, but when they aren't, act. If running away isn't enough, then run at their throats if you have to.

Your needs are more important than any wants, even your own. Fight for them!

Psychological stress alone
can shut down your adrenal glands; along with its hundreds of other vital functions, it can literally kill you. Stress is simply a demand for energy, it's all the same for your body. If you don't have enough vitamin C and other nutrients to produce energy to face the demands, no matter how simple or enjoyable they are... your body slowly shuts down... and you could die. But there are states far worst than death. Don't take any violence lightly.

Do what is necessary. Beyond your heart and reason... survive.

Back to list

Help yourself first then share

Help yourself, obviously. If you won't do it when it's in your own best interest, it's unlikely that someone will have energy to spare. Or they'll have a hidden agenda that will make it worst for you in the long run. After all "Hell is paved with good intentions". Even good will can't make up for prejudice, ignorance and only you know what's best for your specific need, with direct feedback from your body.

Search, dig, learn, try, figure it out.

Helping others can end up helping yourself.

It will keep your mind off your own problems, for a rest that should be temporary, but be careful not to let people have too much of your energy, you need it for yourself.

You might see someone having an unthinkable deadly crisis and find that your issues could be worst, that it's not that bad, that you're actually very lucky and should appreciate instead.

Or if you see people make a huge mountain out natural things that they shouldn't even try to control, you might notice the futility and silliness to get so upset over trivial things. And end up seeing that you're doing it too, letting go with a brief embarasement after seeing yourself in the mirror.

It can help you better take a step back since you're not directly involved, but it can be similar so it can be useful for you later.

It can be good for the self esteem as well. Giving can bring its own rewards even if people are ungrateful.

It can be as simple as replying questions here: yahoo answers.

I think it's best there than with the people around you, or you can end up seen as a dumping ground and suffocate under the weight of everyone's shit... especially if its their goal and not to have perspective or new ideas to help themselves. Don't waste your life force on energy vampires.

Make sure not to help hoping a reward, gratitude or some sort of permission to boost your self esteem. You don't need anyone's permission but your own, and expecting a reward from someone leaves you vulnerable to abuse and disappointment. But it's a great constructive way to get a power trip. Don't bully people, it only shows weakness and ignorance. But using your superiority and intellect to improve the world one dumb ass at a time... now that's kind. Even if it does sound damn rude and selfish! Hahaha!

It's more honest this way, actually more altruistic and gallant than expecting to get something in return secretively. Things are more complex than they appear, no matter if it's black or white, there's always a little of the other hidden inside. Like the yin yang. It’s best not to be hypocritical and be self sufficient. You don't have to rub it in their face, that’s not constructive for anyone. Just be honest with yourself.

Also, the upside of this evil way is that instead to be insecure and seeking validation, you become self confident, empowered, and you can become very inspiring. No matter how great is an idea, it's even better to offer a burst of fire, a passion that can motivate people while validating their needs and utmost right to reach them with their own power.

Saying aww poor little you, or something similar and supposedly compassionate and kind, is what's humiliating and debilitating in the long term.

Sometimes, the kindest way is to rub in their faces what's poisoning themselves even though they're the victim of their own denial... until they're so outraged that they can used the anger towards you and redirected it to attack the cause of their core distress... and finally be liberated. Politeness can be terrible shackles. To free them from their coffin, you sometimes have to hit it with a hammer... until they wake up and jump out of there. It takes great wisdom to use reverse psychology... there's such a fine line. Not everyone would bother looking beyond the crude attitude and seeing the point. But even with bullies having purely cruel intents, if you choose to, you can use it to elevate yourself. It requires more thoughts than to curl up and cry... but it can be done. I like to offer the most unthinkable perspective. Because when you look that far, it's easier to notice everything in between. And when someone forces you to look in the darkest pit, you can take the opportunity to dare to look at the slug sucking your blood on your leg... then getting rid of it finally becomes possible... when you have the courage to acknowledge the problem.

When it's well done, this evil way is incredibly fun and rewarding, for both sides but the receiving end can take a while to digest it... A part of me used it on myself all my life; I have a deep respect for it, no matter how devastated and destroyed I felt, I'm now grateful that I could rebuild everything better.

Knowing something deep down is different from admitting it consciously. Sometimes we need a little push and kick... or a metaphorical punch in the face. My greatest improvements have been done when I got at death's door... dying sure is motivating! It's easier to have courage when you have nothing to loose and are losing everything. But I hope that I'll be able to help people from reaching that point, even if it means being as cruel as truth can be. Wake up calls while the house is in fire aren't supposed to be nice and pleasant.

Denial is such an ugly poison. Ignorance is bliss only for the people who wish to exploit that.

But just try your best to help, your own way, it will bring another perspective and option. Knowing that we have many is a relief by itself. Many ways can be needed at different times with different people. But know that someone who sounds hurtful and angers you might be trying to help you help yourself. I sure do! It's best to do that only when people are ready and ask though... I sure do! It's best to do that only when people are ready and ask though... You can't save people; you can only give your ideas about how they can do it for yourself. Trying to force them is just cruel and will have the opposite effect. Maybe they're already trying their hardest but it's as good as it gets for them, and all they can do is accept themselves.

Nagging would only twist the blade in the wound. Don't do that, don't tolerate that. When people judge they don't try to understand. When people criticize it's to feel superior and less bad about themselves. Don't do that, don't tolerate that. Tell them to mind their own business, that it's your life and yours to screw up as they do with theirs, and/or dismiss them by simply ignoring. The world doesn't need that avalanche of bullshit. Don't allow it to spread like a plague, into your heart then around it. Let their words hit the wall of your indifference... or your knuckles if you have to. Don't allow anyone to use you as a punching bag, ever. Metaphorically or literally. Don't do that, don't tolerate that a single second! Defending yourself is another story. It's harder for people to belittle someone to death after being punched in the throat, they're way too busy trying to breathe. But walking out of the door or hanging the phone can be just as effective. It does feel reassuring to know that you have the right of the worst choice if you really need to; it's very comforting even when we choose something else. The possibility is there for us, we don't have to powerlesly endure in despair.

Priorities can change as easily~ Even if it takes time to master something new. Out of necessity, just make a better choice. Instead to hold on to an impossible ideal choice in hell, pick the lesser of two evils. Absolutely all possibilities exists, but maybe not right now, and maybe not for you. But it's okay, do the best you can with what's there, something new will come, with new choices that you couldn't reach yet, if you choose a new path. Like the branches of a tree, sometimes you need to step back to find the right one... or admire the big picture.

The simplest ideas are often the best solutions, like this:

You want self esteem; make the effort to do something that will make you proud.

You want to be useful, do something useful.

You want to be loved, love yourself in spite of everything.

You want your life to change for the better; then accept change and change.

You want help; try to figure how to do it by observing people and sharing ideas.

*cough* guinea pigs *cough* But the best way to get feed back is to use it on yourself. Trials and errors. Then you can show off your accomplishment by sharing what works with others! They won’t know that you failed miserably and almost died a couple of time, all they’ll see is a freaking genius… if they try it out and it works for them too. But that's up to them... and that part can't soil the greatness of your sharing efforts. Offering options and widening someone's world... it's amazing all by itself. Even if its the lamest idea!

But hey you might as well share something you believe in and proved useful to at least you... that will remind yourself that you can solve a problem when you try... and you'll be able to solve what angers you now as well.

It's best not to boss people around, but when my emotions are confused and at their limits, I love when my rational side bosses me around. If a stranger or the most treasured loved one does that, remember that you're always free to choose; and it can simply be meant to empower you into action. You alone know what you need, can handle and can accomplish. But you won't know for sure until you try. And try again. Maybe it’s impossible for you now, like killing a boss at the end of a game while being at level 1, but don’t despair, possibilities open as you move forward. We have a saying in French: Help yourself and the sky will help you.

Perhaps by helping others, you'll be able to think more objectively and find a way to help yourself more easily.

I sure enjoy punching people who cut themselves in the face before writing them all the helpful and empowering tips I can think of. Along with "If you won't respect yourself, then why should I." They remind be bad memories, so it'd be best to avoid them... but I feel bad to turn my back on what life put on my path, so I do it to feel better... and also... we can change what angers us... one person at a time. Just like a beach is made of countless grains of sand and the wind can move them around... Small acts can echo in big results. Even if many are pointless. It's probably why I write so much. If I obsessed over making the perfect paragraph, I'd never get a gem, it's thanks to all those ideas.

Helping others can offer you perspective too as you give your own. But don't let people such your energy dry either. Some people will prefer to steal your life force to try to have more than they can handle, dumping the negative on someone else to only benefit from the good... refusing to consider new ideas and to even try to improve anything... They can't be helped because they don't want to. All they want is throw up and take a crap on someone to go on their merry way, back in their troubles because they find something cool among it... Save your energy for people who want better and are ready to work for it. You can't help people. You can only give them ideas on how to help themselves.

It's true for you as well. So don't seek a human dumping ground, save yourself. That also can be from needy energy vampire. Make your own energy and protect it. It's your very life force.


That is the key to happiness, no matter what you have and what happens to you.

Lisa Of Shades
22 August 2013

More ideas in my page My journey ~ My path to healing

This part can be surprisingly life changing:

Eat supper for breakfast; reverse the pattern from doom to happiness!

This recipe is especially effective:

Health ~ Recipes for happiness ~ Healing soup

I mention more in another section:

Pets ~ Cats ~ Coping without hoarding

Edited exercise too.
Lisa Of Shades
18 September 2013
Added hot bath
and moved exercise further down
21 November 2013
Soup and cat links 22 July 2014
Added pink noise to rest: 15 September 2014

Right to be ©razy 2013 and beyond!