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Facts of Life ~ Sexual Education ~ Love & Respect

Love and respect makes all the difference… when it’s genuine and not a lie on a hook as a bait.

I met a guy whop asked for sex and for me to be his girl the first time we met, right after I said that I’m asexual and I want celibacy for the rest of my life, mostly for health reasons.

I don’t think you can make a properly informed decision about long term (and even a one night stand can be long term considering that you can get pregnant and aids from it) especially not after only an hour. It takes a while to truly know someone, if we’re compatible, if we like spending time together. Demanding isn’t the same as offering… and when it’s that quickly, what the person cares about isn’t who you are, but how they can use you.

So I met this guy in a public place. Near the end I asked “When would you like to see me again” and he replied, with a tone of despise “You can’t expect me to see you quickly, you’re “just” a friend, you can’t expect me to see you as often as if you were my lover.” I replied: “I didn’t say that I wanted to see you again as quickly as possible. I asked when YOU would like to see me. I didn’t demand anything, I offered you. If you truly loved me and wanted to spend time with me, you would want to see me again, and soon, regardless of if I’m a friend or a lover, just for the pleasure of my company.”

Because I am the same person regardless of the relationship, so he didn’t value me; he only valued what he could take from me. Giving never even crossed his mind. He didn’t love me, there was even hatred in his voice. Like a spoiled child who was denied a new toy and frustrated. He just wanted to own, like a new puppy, without even thinking about the responsibility. He can’t even take care of it, because he’s too immature to properly take care of himself… he doesn’t even know how. (He looked very unhealthy for someone in his 30s.) He only cared about his own self gratification, his own dick. It could have been anybody appetizing enough. He’d refuse himself because he said that he didn’t want a fat girl… but he didn’t want to make the efforts to offer what he demanded.

I met so many people like that, I end up giving up on relationships, love and sex completely. Because he may not respect and love me, but I do respect and love myself. I will not be used as a sperm toilet. Because he only want to take and the idea to give anything didn’t even cross his mind. When someone only takes from you, it’s worse than nothing, it exhausts and drains you. I’d rather have nothing and no one for the rest of my life. That’s how worthless that kind of relationship and person is, how worthless what he has to “offer” is… because there’s just nothing there. There’s nothing in his hands, nothing in his heart, and nothing in his mind. It’s pure selfish greed, lust and gluttony.

I watched videos on YouTube with girls saying that the least you can do is to be clean and not have a mouth that stinks like a sewer. Another girl said that love is offering yourself to each other and sharing. It’s a gift. You can’t build anything if one person only wants to use you and take until there’s nothing there… Some people lose their very identity, self respect, the very notion of love trying to please someone. Lovers aren’t your parents… they can be both parents to a child, but they’re supposed to be equals helping each other out with their strength and weaknesses. I don’t want to be a sperm toilet or a trophy wife while he cheats on a younger girl because all he cares about is sexual gratification. That’s why there are so many problems. Because people are either selfish or selfless… but the idea to truly be together, as equals, sharing who they are and enjoying each other… they don’t have the hope to attain it, so they don’t even try to offer it, they try to claw it out of others when it must start with self care… You can only share what you already have.

If I don’t deserve respect and love, then I don’t mind being alone for the rest of my life. I don’t want to settle for less than who I am, less than dignity… throwing myself away out of desperation. I’d rather that than repeat the same patterns if that’s what I attack from trauma and insecurities. I’ve never been lonelier than neglected in a lover relationship. If that’s what I deserve, than I’d rather have nothing. I’ll devote the little energy that I have to make myself happy… instead to throw my very being, health, life and heart away.

Love and respect yourself. Only if you feel good with yourself, you’ll truly feel good with another person. Otherwise it’s like using the person as a drug and being dependent can make you vulnerable to abuse. Be there for yourself and you’ll never be alone.


Lisa Of Shades
17 April 2014

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